The Knot in My Stomach

I'm feeling the sickening stress of a horrible day yesterday.  I'm praying and praying for peace and patience so that today can be a better day.  Perhaps if I write it out, I'll feel better.

Yesterday was one of the worst parenting days ever.  Mainly between Peter and I, but Rube earned himself some punishments too.  It began at 8am and was not relieved until Paul picked me up at five to go to a funeral.  We dropped the boys off at a friend's house and Paul and I went to mourn the loss of a life.  Nice.

Then we went back to our friend's house to get the boys and stayed for dinner and cards.  Their 19 year old son walked in and in full gaity and excitement announced to Paul and I, "Hey!  I'm moving in with Kristy in two weeks!"  He was completely surprised by our disappointment.

I know that many Americans find this to be a normal step in relationships, but it saddens me every time.  He's coming over this afternoon to talk about it.

Back at home a friend called to say they've been matched with a child to adopt.  Expressed much gladness to her, while I hid my envy.  We've been waiting much longer than them.

So, stressful day that extended into the wee morning hours when Reuben yet again wet the bed, except instead of the bed, he wet the carpet, which is worse to clean up.  For the fourth time in the last week.

When I went to get cleaning stuff in the laundry room, a huge black bug chased after me.  I jumped over it to reach a shoe to smash it with, but it disappeared.

Then I was too awake to go back to sleep.  So I think about how my brother and sister's families and my parents are all getting together this weekend and next week in Washington and how I am SO SAD our family can't be there.


Peter's poor behavior, with a little testy Reuben mixed in, a funeral, a moving in together announcement, another family's adoption celebration, pee on the floor, big black bug, awake with stress, missing my far away family.  Oh, and it was storming last night while Paul was away at the bar.

It's not so bad when I simplify it like that.  Many people have it much worse.

So what do I do about today and the two boys who need me to love them?

I pray and pray and seek God's abundant love.


I am so sad God.

Help me to love Peter how he needs to receive it.  Perhaps public school is the way to go.

Josh knows You.  I pray that he would seek You before he moves in with Kristy.

How fabulous for our friends and the special child soon to join them.

It's just pee.  It's just a bug.  It's just thunder and rain.

And I'll see my family again, right?  How great that they get to have this special time together.

God, forgive my bitterness.  May I honor You today.